shadows prove the sun

Fear of Intimacy

2009-11-08T17:14:00.003-05:00

Here is another excerpt from Donald Millers's book "Searching for God Knows What" that I find particularly powerful.

"I have sometimes wondered if the greatest desire fo man is to be known and loved anyway. It is no secret we are terribly protective of our hearts, as though this tender space is a kind of receptor for our validation as humans. The closer we are to another person, the more vulnerable we are and the more we feel a sense of risk. Lovers can take years to finally trust each other, and many of us will close ourselves off at the slightest hint of danger. Introductory conversations are almost always shallow. "Where did you go to school?" and "How old are your children?" are safe places to begin. Start an initial meeting with "What addictions do you struggle with?" or "When do you feel least loved by your wife?" and we are going to have a tough time making new friends. It seems that we feel we must trust people before we let them know anything remotely vulnerable about us, and to ask for more before trust has been built is to contravene a social etiquette dating back to the fall of man. All this, I suppose, is connected to the fact that our validation seems to always be in question.
And yet it is through this system of defense Christ walks with ease, never seeming to fear that He would do damage by rummaging around in the tender complexity of a person's identity. Instead, He goes nearly immediately to our greatest fears, our most injured spaces, and speaks into those places with authority."

Thoughts from Donald Miller

2009-11-01T17:09:00.002-05:00

Excerpts from Donald Miller's book "Searching for God Knows What":

"It makes you feel that as a parent the most important thing you can do is love your kids, hold them and tell them you love them because, until we get to heaven, all we can do is hold our palms over the wounds. I mean, if a kid doesn't feel he is loved, he is going to go looking for it in all kinds of ways. He is going to want to feel powerful or important or tough, and she is going to want to feel beautiful and wanted and needed. Give a kid the feeling of being loved early, and they will be better at negotiating that other stuff when they get older. They won't fall for anything stupid, and they won't feel a kind of desperation all the time in their souls. It is no coincidence that Jesus talks endlessly about love. Free love. Unconditional love." (pg 113)

"I started thinking about the idea my friend at the Bible college suggested about how, if God is a perfect and loving Being, the most selfless thing he could do would be to create other beings to enjoy Him. And then I started thinking that if those creatures fell away from Him, the most selfless thing a perfect and loving Being could do would be to go and get them, to try to save them from the death that would take place in His absence." (pg 122)

"I have sometimes wondered if the greatest desire of man is to be known and loved anyway. It is no secret we are terribly protective of our hearts, as though this tender space is a kind of receptor for our validation as humans. The closer we are to another person, the more vulnerable we are and the more we feel a sense of risk. Lovers can take years to finally trust each other, and many of us will close ourselves off at the slightest hint of danger. Introductory conversations are almost always shallow. "Where did you go to school?" and "How old are your children?" are safe places to begin. Start an initial meeting with "What addictions do you struggle with?" or "When do you feel least loved by your wife?" and we are going to have a tough time making friends. It seems that we feel we must trust people before we let them know anything remotely vulnerable about us, and to ask for more before trust has been built is to contravene a social etiquette dating back to the fall of man. All this, I suppose, is connected to the fact that our validation seems to always be in question.
And yet it is through this system of defense Christ walks with ease, never seeming to fear that He would do damage by rummaging around in the tender complexity of a person's identity. Instead, He goes nearly immediately to our greatest fears, our most injured spaces,and speaks into those places with authority." (pg 133)

Berit

2009-10-12T01:11:00.002-04:00

"But what God does in Christ is not essentially unlike what God was already doing in creation and in covenant- emptying himself, sharing His love, creating partnership."

What is covenant? By this quote it is the act of servanthood, love, and community. What else could it be? I see it as a promise, a commitment, and a responsibility as well. Throughout the Old Testament, God established covenants with great men who's stories are told in Sunday School every year. God made a promise, or a covenant, with Noah that he would never again use the waters to flood the earth and rid it of life. He symbolized this promise with a dove and an olive branch. He made a covenant with Abraham that he would be a father to many, and established that through the birth of his son, Isaac. The stories go on... all stories that we know. So what do we see in these stories?

I think the covenant that God establishes in these instances creates a back bone or a cornerstone to the whole story. The story that has captured us and is lived out in our lives every day. Needless to say, the idea of covenant is an important one.

The Hebrew word "berit" translates into a couple of things. Translated into English it means "covenant" (hence it's relevance to this topic). Even closer to the translation it means promise, or pledge. In the Hebrew culture, "berit" is a promise made by a lord to his servant that he will protect and provide for his servants. This is a promise that is not required, but voluntary. However, this type of covenant is one that must go both ways. The servant must reciprocate and uphold his end of the promise. God's "berit" doesn't require the participation of the servants. In Abraham's situation, he was simply selected.

We, like Abraham, are simply selected. But where do we go from there? Michael Lodahl, the author of the book "The Story of God" states, "To say that God is a covenantal God is to suggest a divine interest in our cooperation, a divine commitment to partnership, a divine power that is empowering and affirming of the other." The relationship we have with God must be one that involves us committing to Him. I think this applies to our relationships with others. We need commitment and partnership with those who's lives are a part of our own. In Samuel I, Jonathan and David made a covenant under God to each other in their friendship.
What can we do to establish "berit" in our relationship with our Father as well as our friends?

following the patience mustang

2009-04-19T18:03:00.001-04:00

I’m at Caribou Coffee in Gahanna right now in an attempt to clear my head and get some work done. So far it has worked. It was really interesting because on the way here I was behind a Mustang Shelby, one of my absolute favorite cars. I looked down at the license plate and read, “PATENCE.” In my opinion it was missing the “i,” but whether that was intended or not, I read it as “patience.” (I just looked “patence” up on dictionary.com just to make sure, and it’s not a word). God sure has a good sense of humor. I’m thinking He wanted to remind me to have patience, that things will get better. That while things might be tough and my feet are gunna get tired and sore from all the rough roads ahead, it will be rewarding if I put my trust in Him and let him guide me. So I think I’m gunna follow that Mustang’s instructions. Patience.

Dribbling

2009-04-15T20:22:00.000-04:00

What am I even doing? I feel like I have those blinders on…. The ones we used in basketball during the early years. I can see, but at the same time I can’t. I’m aimlessly wandering around, thinking I’m doing the right thing, that I’m dribbling the ball, but really I’m missing the ball and dribbling air.

Thoughts

2009-04-03T22:18:00.002-04:00

So I just signed on to the whole Twitter phenomenon. First of all, I just don't get it. I can't figure it out. Anyways...

I follow John Mayer on Twitter (how weird is that?!), and I noticed one of his "tweets" from today. It read:

"Living by the power of other people's suggestion will slowly kill you. Genuine self esteem isn't a roller coaster. It comes from within."

So, to me, this takes a while to unpack. I get the first sentence... you have to make your decisions your own. Taking others' suggestions into consideration might help, but living by them will squelch your ability to make decisions for yourself.

It's the second half of the quote that gets me thinking. What do you think?

a new look on love

2009-02-28T20:26:00.002-05:00

I'm reading the book "Blue Like Jazz," by reccomendation of many people. At first I thought of it as a fad, as something that yes, had good insight, but something people read because it was the "cool Christian" thing to do. I just finished the third to last chapter, and it finally hit me. I agree with the masses, this book is great.

The chapter I just finished was about love. Recently this has been something I've been struggling with, loving everyone I come in contact with. Not just surface love, but genuine, God-breathed love. Do you know how hard that is? I've realized how easy it is to hold grudges (just a side note). Anyways, the author began to talk about the idea of relationships through metaphors. Some listed were that we "value" people, we "invest" in people, relationships have the possibility to be "bankrupt," and that people are "priceless." Do you see any commonalities in those metaphors? How about economics? From our viewpoints, we see relationships as being economically based without even knowing we do this. In the words of Donald Miller, "With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did." It is so incredibly wrong to treat people, relationships, and love as banks. Miller also says "When the church does not love its enemies, it fules their rage. It makes them hate us more." How true is that? The church today is hated, for the most part. Ask anyone on the streets what they think of Christians and I can almost guarantee you that 8 times out of 10, you're going to hear a negative answer. The book explains that when a person feels that you don't like him or her, they won't listen to you. So what are we doing to show people that we love them, that we do like them?

I'm not writing all of this claiming that this is where I'm coming from and that I've thought this all along... far from it. It was such a revalation to me. My eyes were opened to the way that I treat people, the fact that I am obvious with who I care about and who I don't. And this needs to change.

When talking to someone, there are always two conversations going on. There is the conversation on the surface, the one that highlights the words actually being spoken, the topic being discussed. Then there is the deeper conversation, the one coming from the heart, addressing whether or not we like the person we are conversing with. If both of these levels of conversation are not coming from God, they are not true. In the Bible (and if anyone knows where this comes from pleases let me know), it says that if you're talking to someone with your mouth and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two symbals together.

I will strive to not be a one man band, slamming cymbals and creating horrible noise. I cannot promise anything but to do my best to have God work through me, and love each person come in contact with. Maybe you could call me a modern-day hippie.

Thanks to Donald Miller for the thoughts presented in this blog.

Romans 12

2009-02-15T13:33:00.002-05:00

The last week or so, I've really been trying to focus on Romans 12. To me it's a section of the Bible that so clearly defines how we should live our lives. I'm going to give a couple verses of the chapter that really stand out to me in both NIV and The Message...

Verse 2 (NIV)

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his ood, pleasing and perfect will.

(The Message)

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Verses 9- 12(NIV)

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

(The Message)

Love from the center of who you are, don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil, hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply, practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out, keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants wof the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times, pray all the harder.

Broken

2008-11-09T13:23:00.002-05:00

its been a while since i've written...

in my church at home, we have this place in the back of the sanctuary that we call the "wailing wall." people are encouraged to write things that break their heart, as well as break God's heart, and post these on the wailing wall. we've been doing this for a very long time, and over time this wall has gotten to be completely covered with pieces of paper, pictures, money, newspaper articles....

today in church we had sort of a relfection service where we took these things off of the wailing wall, read them to the congregation, and then placed these at the foot of the cross standing at the front of the room. this was an extremely powerful service to me. to hear these things spoken out loud was, well, unexplainable. there was one in particlar that really struck me...the piece of paper urged people to pray for a young boy's family...this boy, 8 years old, in 3rd grade, took his own life.

what?

it breaks my heart that this young boy, hardly even starting his life, found that he had no hope...

at an age where you have all the hope in the world.

it was so bad that he took his own life.

what?

i read a note that said to pray for those children who are abandoned and neglected, that they would find hope. invisible children comes to mind....children who are affected by the sex trade comes to mind...

these things break my heart.

there was another note that stuck out to me.. it encouraged us to pray not only for those being abused, but those who were abusing. i think this is something that we often forget to pray for. we see those people suffering, those abused, neglected but we don't think to pray for those who are oppressing, abusing, neglecting, abandoning. God loves these people just as much as he loves those who are hurt. so should we.

my pastor used an illustration he heard from David Crowder...distinguishing justice from compassion..

picture you and some friends sitting by a river, enjoying a beautiful day and having a picnick. all of a sudden you see people, floating downstream, drowning. you jump in and pull those people to safety. after a while, you keep seeing more and more people floating down the river, drowning. you continue to attempt to rescue these people but after a while you decide that you need to go up stream to figure out how so many people are drowning and to stop whoever is making this happen.

this is the difference between justice and compassion. you have compassion on those who are drowning and you make those attempts to rescue them, but you also must act with justice and do something to stop the oppression.

i have such a hard time with this. reason being, i feel as though i am so small, so unimportant...how can i stop children from being sold into the sex trade? how can i rescue the homeless, feed the hungry...i'm only one person.

i think this is something that many struggle with. it's so intimidating.

how can i make the difference? how can i be the difference?

Food for Thought

2008-05-06T09:29:00.002-04:00

After reading a friend's blog post, I sort of had an "aha" moment... you know, one of those moments when something just hits you. Something that you should have known, and you sort of did know, but you never really realized it. Anyways, as Christians, it has been made clear to me that we make things more complicated then they really are. We sit and contemplate whether what we've done or what we're about to do is "Christian," whether its good or bad, whether we'll get punished or rewarded, or what I was always afraid of as a little kid: Is God standing up there with a big eraser, ready to erase my name out of the Book of Life as soon as I screw up?

I'm not sure why, but I think that through the church I was raised to believe that if I did the wrong things, if I messed up just once, I would be out. God was gunna take one of those jumbo pink erasers and just erase my name right out of the "Book of Life." Now I know that this wasn't my parents or family's doing. I've been blessed with an amazing family; my immediate family, and both sides of my extended family. I've learned a lot through their actions, and I've grown in my faith with their encouragement and guidance. But that's not my point here...

My point is, God's not up there, just waiting for me to mess up. Instead He's eagerly waiting to extend grace to me, grace that I know for a fact I need. Grace that I've experienced day in and day out, in big ways and in small. This is a grace that none of us deserve. So many times I just can't comprehend this, and it frustrates me. But I think I'm beginning to understand it a little bit. Now there is no way I will ever fully comprehend God's grace. But I can think of one way...

How about extending grace to others? I believe that God has created us to be simply who he has created us to be (if that makes any sense). He hasn't created us to follow this rule, say the right thing, avoid that situation. He's created us to show to others what he has shown to us, through the gifts and talents he has given us. So instead of condemning someone when they've done me wrong, and holding a grudge, shouldn't I extend to them the grace that my God has more than willingly extended to me? Shouldn't I show them- and not just them, everyone I come in contact with- the love that Christ has shown me?

I think there's more to this, but I haven't fully "gotten" it...not yet. This love isn't a superficial love. I think that we are beginning to get this. You can see it everywhere. More and more we're reaching out. Reaching out to those in Africa with HIV/AIDS. Reaching out to the people in our community who are less fortunate. Helping others who desperately need our help. I'm beginning to see that our churches are no longer "building churches." Or at least they shouldn't be. We can't keep sitting in our pews, hearing the same sermons over and over again. You can't have faith without action.

Right?

You're Blessed

2008-04-29T15:30:00.002-04:00

Matthew 5:3-12

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

You're blessed when you're content with just who you are- no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

You're blessed when you get your inside world- your mind and heart- put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

Not only that- count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. what it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens- give a cheer, even!- for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

2008-04-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

So, I was doing my devotions tonight, and to be honest, this is the first time I've done them in a very long time. But I feel like my relationship with Jesus is lacking..more like we're just aquaintances instead of best friends, which is what I long for. So I'm doing my best to just dive into Him, and learn all that I possibly can.

Anyways...

As I was reading, I came across a set of verses that were familiar to me from years of Sunday School and youth groups... found in Colossian 1:19-20:

From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe- people and things, animals and atoms- get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.

What really gets me is where is says that all the brokenness in this world, every broken person, every broken situation, everything fits together in "vibrant harmonies." That phrase alone is enough to give chills.

I think it's time to stop looking at things in our world as permanently damaged, broken, or messed up. It says that these things are properly fixed and fit together. We so often read of doing the right things, and loving unconditionally, and doing simple acts of kindness.... well, I think it's about time we stop reading and thinking about these things, and time we start actually doing them. It says later in Colossians 2:6-7:

My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving.

My goal this week is to live Christ's love out. To see things in the eyes of my Father.